I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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