If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
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