i already hear my dad disowning me
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Randomize
