I am spending my child support on dildos
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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