Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize