Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
