Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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