You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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