Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
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