Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
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