It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
