It's like a parade of train wrecks.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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