I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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