My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Randomize
