i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
