im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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