I've blown a few things in my day
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
