This dress was meant to end up on your floor
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Do vagina's smell?
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
