I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
