Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
