My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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