ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
