There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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