slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
