apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
