The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
