i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I need a hoe opinion
go on
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
