nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
