They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
