you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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