I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
