Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Randomize
