I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
