I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
