guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Randomize
