I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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