I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
