too bad you live with your parents still
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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