wat bout pragnant strippers??
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
So I just went to clothing optional bar
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize