If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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