Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
