just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Randomize
