I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
