Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
