I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
