May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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