I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
In America we eat man semen.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
