Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
