he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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