Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
