What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
