I showed him my bush... on skype.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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