Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
