I want to have your abortion
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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