Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
