Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
