Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
He better not be in your backpack
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Randomize
