The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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