So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
