Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
