Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
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