he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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