i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
And then he peed in my hair
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