He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
