woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
that is very illegal...i love you.
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