we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
