I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
