Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
