Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Two words: nipple clamps
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