It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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